Whenever I have bad days or feel upset, disappointed or sad, or depressed about something, I always find evenings the most unbearable time of the day, especially the evenings that I stay in. I don't know why and I don't know how it is like this. But I've been noticing myself, evening is the hardest time to cope with.
It maybe like this: I wake up fresh, though the upset feelings might carry forward to the next day. In the morning I feel energetic and enthusiastic in doing things, and after lunch, I take a short/long nap and that eats up most of the afternoon and around 3 to 4 or to 5 o'clock, I had a small brunch, but after that I do not have feelings to do anything. And if I have a good day, I might just go online or watch this and that on YouTube or do some work, but if I'm not in a mood, stress and boredom will grab me tight and worse of all, I feel hopeless. Some times I cry to sleep or simply go to sleep with some music playing all night long.
It has history to that. I think some pass experience gets me into this kind of trouble with the evenings. I'd rather not say it.
If you have read the previous posts in this blog, you will see that many of them are published in the evening, except some short stories, a few poems, and if notice further, you'll realize that those posts are usually in bad mood, negative mood and sometimes very sad. They contain many mistakes because they are first drafts, I just write and then click publish. No second thoughts, no second reading and nothing at all.
It's great to write it out here in many sentences, broken sentences some times, and I just write what I can think of, I write what is in my head and, as describe in the blog's heading, I write to pour my heart out.
Some times I'm stressed or bored because I stay in all day and cannot go out. My parents don't like seeing me going out, so most of the time I'm inside. I feel bored and unproductive and lazy and cannot think of something new to improve the work I'm doing, so the ways out are to write and to read.
Writing allows my mind to speak whatever it is within my head, improve my writing and express what concerns me while reading allows my imagination to grow, to go further than my feet could go. For now I don't have better solutions, this helps temporarily; one step at a time. Labels: About Me, Entries