Personally, she doesn't really believe in love. Whenever she started to give herself a try, she got a knock on her head and a slab on her face, that's when she realized she is not ready at all. The pain just got worse and worse each time; she fears of hurting herself because it is not easy to 'move on' and once she moves on, it's difficult to go back to 'LOVE'. It takes months to stop crying; there are days that she was haunted by bad dreams, nightmares, negative thoughts and imagination. And every time it hits, a piece of her was lost. No matter how much effort she has put in restoring the lost piece, it just does not work simply because the new material does not match the old ones. It is more like a 100-year old statue was displayed in public, and only to find out in the end that it was badly damaged by acid rains because it is not properly maintained or protected.
The sound of being in relationship doesn't excite her at all; she starts to feel negatively towards it. It's just the first two decades of life, and a girl could feel this numb how could she deal with life when her middle and old age arrive??
It is emotionally healthy to be excited, disappointed, jealous, shy and so on. They are just ingredients of life. How could she live as though nothing exciting happens today nor tomorrow? Maybe the pain was too great that it still has the impact until today, maybe she has enough of what is considered essential for life, or maybe she just needs a good reason to go on.Labels: Stories